When I was 5, I was held back from entering kindergarten. This made me a year older than most of my peers, and having an April birthday, it also often made me older than kids in the grade above.
I always hated this, because it made me feel like my parents didn’t believe in me, and that everyone else must be smarter than me. Everyone around me would ask about it when they would find out I’m a year older, and I could never give a good reason, since my parents never gave me one. It was weird graduating at 19, when everyone else graduated at 17 and 18.
This always made feel very lonely, like I was the only one experiencing this. So, I just wanted to ask, has anyone else gone through this and felt these kinds of feelings?
I went to kindergarten a year late. Never considered it being “held back” since I hadn’t started school yet. My mom just explained it as “I didn’t want you to be one of youngest in the grade” – June birthday.
I hated it for sports because I had to play with the kids from my “correct” grade since it’s based on age. In school, I didn’t mind. I did often feel more mature than a lot of the kids. I wonder if it had to do with the extra year or just my personality.
I’m honestly not sure if made a difference but the year above mine was a “problem year” and my year was really well-behaved, so in some ways we lucked out.
It’s really common here to see kids get deferred.
Our cutoff is march 1st, but parents of anyone born in January/February can ask for a deferment. You can request one for November/December birthdays but you need a reason, where Jan/Feb are automatic.
There’s even been calls to allow premature births to be placed based on their due date. So a kid born in November but 2 months early should be considered a January baby for deferment.
I wasn’t, but I’m a teacher and have had students retained or who were previously retained. I had one student who was really out in the open about it and another who said that he just wasn’t ready for 6th grade. I think the more it actually happens, the lower the stigma; if only 1 kid is being retained though, especially when others very obviously should be, that’s has the potential to cause some problems.
Not holding students back when needed is bad for the child. They fall further and further behind their peers academically. This can lead to some kids hating school so much they eventually drop out.
I’m a first grade teacher. If my students aren’t reading at a level where they can do second grade work, then I do everything I can to hold them back. I’ve done this for 21 years and it usually makes a lot of difference to that child. Self esteem goes up as they master the skills they couldn’t do before.
The social implications are there, of course. Some students are embarrassed by retention, but what is more important… students who can perform better in the future or students who are passed through the school system even though they won’t have the necessities in education?
There is a new idea floating around in the education world which I think could be helpful. Basically, we get rid of traditional grade levels (like first, second, tenth, etc) and move towards skill mastery. Students are clustered together to work on their own level and when they master their goals they move on to more challenging material. It hasn’t been implemented yet as far as I know and will require a lot of testing, but it’s a start.
Not only does it give the student low self esteem, it also makes them a target for bullying. I don’t know how some schools think that’s okay. Imagine being in the child’s shoes and seeing your friends and colleagues a grade ahead of you because you’re not “smart” enough. As someone who was almost held back, I know how depressed I was back then. Instead of making the student repeat the grade, the school should have them take remedial after school classes.
I’m a sophomore in college now, but I skipped the first grade. Technically I did the first and second grade in the same year, going back and forth between the classes every other day. I’d say that in my early high school years I had a few issues with being a bit immature, and I’ve always been “that small kid” since skipping the first grade since I was a year younger than everyone and also look young for my age. I’m very glad that I was able to do it, though, and would do it again if given the choice. Being younger than most of my peers and in college just makes me feel that I have more time to live out my golden years where I’m both intellectually and physically mature enough to completely enjoy them.