I am at the end of my rope here. My son is 14, and he just couldn’t care less about school. He rarely does his homework assignments and when he does, he does them very poorly. I have let him experience the natural consequences, and they haven’t helped. He has failed many times and has started this school year off with a failing grade. I have also tried telling him what will happen if he doesn’t work hard in school, and he doesn’t care about that either. I just don’t know what to do. The school is planning on calling a meeting regarding this issue. My son doesn’t have any kind of mental disorders like depression, and his school attendance has been fine (but then that’s because they keep the students there on a short leash when it comes to that). This problem began in around March, when he was occasionally missing assignments, and it just got worse over time. I seriously don’t know what to do now. Help!!
As a high school teacher, I can guarantee that you are not alone in this battle. It is very hard to force an unmotivated student who does not have the drive to achieve in the classroom. What IS your son interested in? Does his school have opportunities for alternative educational paths? We have programs so our student can train in the medical field, or get their certification in automotive repair, welding, or computer science (to name a few). Maybe a votech path would interest him more. Many students are just plain bored in the classroom.
Professional counseling. Something isn’t right with him. He may have a problem that you don’t know about and may not want to discuss with you.
Not everyone can be a doctor or a lawyer. The world needs people in food service and retail too.
What does he want to be when he grows up? Having a plan mapped out for how he can get there might help him reevaluate his goals.
A Lifestyle Budget is very eye opening for some teens. Price out how much it would cost for him to move out at 18 on his own, (because if he’s not in school then he shouldn’t be living with you unless he’s contributing substantially,) but to keep with a lifestyle that he’s accustomed to living.
Then cross reference the annual salaries that he is eligible for with no education and no high school diploma.
The discrepancy between what a Subway sandwich artist makes per year and the lifestyle he’s accustomed to living will shock him. And once he’s made aware there is no free ride after 18, he’ll probably reconsider his priorities.
Firstly this definitely raises red flags for me, like others have suggested. Work on finding him someone he can form a strong relationship with so he might eventually open up, whether that’s a therapist, a family member, or maybe even look into Big Brothers.
Secondly I can tell you from my experience the more pressure you put on school, the harder it will be for him to do well. Of course I don’t know the underlying reasons for him, but I was someone who had a lot of anxiety about assignments. The more I knew I needed to do something, the more anxious about it I became, until eventually I just didn’t do it at all. School is tough, and it’s even tougher when you’re constantly reminded how poorly you are doing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be finding ways to encourage him, but discipline doesn’t seem to be working and could actually be making things worse. It may seem like it, but I highly doubt he doesn’t care.
I’m sorry you are in this position. Teenagers are a breed of their own. Keep trying to encourage him, and keep your eyes open for potential underlying causes. He will hopefully turn it around.
Just to give you some hope though, I was in the exact same position as your son. I did terrible in high school, to the point that I nearly didn’t graduate because I finished my senior year with a D- in English. I scraped my way into a state college and something about the change in environment and being in charge of my own schedule turned things around for me. It’s now 12 years later and I have a masters degree in public health, and will be graduating from medical school in May.
I know you said he doesn’t have mental health issues, but make sure you’ve completely ruled that out before you take the disciplinary route. It probably wouldn’t hurt anything to get him evaluated just in case. Also think about any major events that may have happened prior to this that may have affected him.
If you rule out mental health and life changes, then think about WHY exactly he isn’t doing his assignments. What is he doing in the evenings instead of doing his homework? I’ve found that in cases like his, the problem is usually that they’re spending too much time on electronics. If that’s the case, take all his electronics away (or strictly regulate them) until his grades improve. If the problem is something else, find a way to keep whatever it is from getting in the way of his schoolwork.
I strongly recommend you get him involved in a sport, club, or other activity that he might enjoy if he isn’t involved in one already. I’ve found that extracurriculars can do wonders for teenagers academically, socially, and emotionally. This may seem counterproductive because it will take time away from homework, but being involved in an activity they’re passionate about helps fuel their drive to succeed, teaches them responsibility, leadership, and helps them make good friends who are also learning those same values. A lot of activities have a minimum GPA requirement to stay in it as well, so that could serve as an extra incentive.